Rude comments from the boss

You have taken the first step by bringing it to your supervisors attention. Make a record for your own personal records of dates, times and feedback you received. If it continues to happen, make record of each time..what was said, and how it made you feel. If it’s happening to the entire staff..they should do the same. If they aren’t ready to move forward with this problem as you are, keep your records and notes specific to how “you” feel, and how “you” were addressed. It will not help your case when you say “the entire office” feels this way, but are not doing anything for themselves.

As far as your supervisor “going to the higher boss”, do not be concerned. If you were tactful, took good notes of the meeting, you will be able to answer to anything that higher up may bring to your attention. If your “higher up” is the same way, you may be fighting a lost cause. I’ve learned over the years, and from many seminars on “dealing with difficult people” that when you hold the mirror to the person, and they see how they act..and how that makes you feel, if it is completely out of line and they are true professionals, the behaviour should taper off. So long as you are not part of the problem as it doesn’t seem you are in this situation. As a boss, they must be sensitive to other personalities..even if this is just a character trait they may have. They have to be able to adapt and supervise deal with their subordinates in a way sensitive to others.

There may come a point that you need to take the issue to the higher ups. This of course after you’ve done everything at the lowest level to resolve it with this person directly. By keeping records of your attempts, as well as the results..both good and bad, hopefully upper management will respect your attempts, and see through any of the bologna they may have already been fed by the “meanie” as far as “problems” they are having with you.

Good luck

I agree that “hurt” is a personal word and you should choose something with a more professional connotation. You may want to just say, as soon as she makes these comments (especially in front of others), “You know that’s not true,” in a kind of laughing way, then move away, or change the subject or start discussing a work problem. As for higherups, if there’s someone available, you may want to discuss the situation with them, posing your discussion as a request for advice. Just explain the kind of comments you are getting, and ask, “How do you suggest I deal with this?” That puts it in the lap of the HR person and also makes you look like a problem-solver, not a whiner who can’t handle office relations.

I had a similar situation, unfortunately, it was the owner of the business I work for. His comment was that “he is not responsible for how I feel. I am. No one can make me feel bad, but me”. Whenever he or anyone else says or does something hurtful, I try to repeat those words to myself. I can’t control their behavior, but I can control how I react to it.

I agree with many of the above statements. It is always good to document encounters. It helps keep you organized, especially in discussions about the events. However, I disagree with the statement that you should make comments in a laughing way and try to change the subject. In my opinion, people should not be treated rudely in any workplace (or anywhere else). You should not have to change the subject, because your boss should not be speaking to you in that manner in the first place. I agree with the others that you should attempt to speak to your boss about it in a calm, firm way. If the response merits, I would move on to H.R. and others as necessary.

I agree with most of the previous comments. Act professional at all times and document, document, document. (For future use, especially in dealing with HR or the “higher-ups” you should also document any instances where you see or hear the boss being rude to other people in the office). The higher-ups may already know about it and have chosen to do nothing because she may be more valuable to the business than you are. However, do not allow yourself to be treated rudely. When the boss makes an inappropriate remark, look at her and with a pleasant tone of voice say “Excuse me?” and then continue your conversation. You should also check with your state’s labor department, your HR people and/or your employee handbook (if you have one) to see if there is anything that deals with harassment. What you consider to be just “rude” behavior may actually be “harassment” and may be illegal as well, expecially if there is a continuing pattern of rude behavior. If you do talk to HR and/or higher-ups, do not talk about “hurt” feelings. If you have documented instances of rudeness to others as well as yourself, then you can talk to them about how her actions have a negative effect on office morale and productivity and then maybe you can get somewhere.